i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
