Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Found the puke drawer
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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