Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
