i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
