sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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