i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize