Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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