it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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