don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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