I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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