Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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