the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
