She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
