Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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