Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
