it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
this hospital has no fireball
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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