There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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