I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
