She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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