so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
