did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
