when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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