Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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