is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize