Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
