Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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