Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
