I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
