my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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