They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
