i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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