I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I booty called her while she was in labor.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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