peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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