Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Randomize
