Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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