Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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