but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
