i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
