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I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
