Have you finally orgasmed yet?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
