He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
