So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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