There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
