So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
