so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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