bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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