Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
