yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
