Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
