I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
