I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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