:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
