Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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