He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
