I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
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