my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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