I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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