We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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