I like to think it a success when the cops are called
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
