mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
