it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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