I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
