It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
