I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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