Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
