im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
