I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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