My hand turned me down
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
