i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
