does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
40s are totally the cure
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
