how hairy? two words: wookie tits
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Life is so much better after having sex.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
