very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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