my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
