Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
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