i jhust puked up my retainher.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
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