she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
